woman lying on sofa

What to do if your partner lays on the couch all day long

woman lying on sofa

Today, we will be discussing the problem of a partner who works very hard to bring in the majority of the family’s income while the other half seems to do very little. How do you make sure you aren’t being taken advantage?

We are not a therapist, or a certified healthcare professional. This should guide your interpretation of my advice. You can file a complaint if you have any problems with what I say. Now, let us begin.

I’ve been in a relationship for about 7 years. Two children are here with us, a boy (5 years old) and a girl (7 years old). There is a lot of stress in our relationship, to the point where I often think of leaving and dealing the consequences of being a parent who has been separated. She makes less than $500 per month, while I make between $5k per month. She only works few days per week and rarely works. However, I am tired of being the one who brings in the cash.

She won’t accept a new job even at night, just so she can look after the children. She doesn’t like working weekends so she keeps the job she has. She rents a house for $1200 per month, and never cleans it. The majority of her day is spent doing God only knows what. I have returned home to find the children still wearing PJs and my daughter watching TV. She isn’t going to school as I asked her and we have talked about. She does nothing other than making sure that the children are alive. It’s a power struggle between her and the children. She needs to have control over every situation. I don’t know what to do. I have become distant from her and don’t want to be near her anymore. I would rather do it on my own. She loves to curl up and watch TV, but I prefer to spend time with her talking. I don’t know what I should do. I also have borderline personality disorder, which allows me to completely turn my back on her without feeling bad. Sincerely, Please help!

It’s difficult to be in this position. You need to talk with your partner about why you feel so unfair. Before you can do that, it’s important to get to know your partner and why they might be living the way you describe.

While I don’t think your description is incorrect, someone who spends most their time on the couch may be suffering from depression or another type of emotional struggle. Have you ever asked your partner how she is feeling lately? Depression is characterized by lethargy and lack of motivation.

If you don’t have this experience, here’s what to do: Begin with a genuine desire to understand. Is she afraid of failure? Does she have a mental health problem? Is she depressed? You should approach the situation with curiosity. If there is something, you want to be supportive and not judgmental.

While refusing to work is one thing; she spends her day at home with her kids. “Keeping them alive” is more than just feeding them. It’s about much more than that. Spending all day with children can be a full-time job. You have also noticed that she spends most of her time doing “God knows What.” But, if you don’t learn to communicate better together, your day-to-day life will remain a mystery. This is not to say that you shouldn’t try. I only have a limited view of your relationship. But, to get an idea of your partner’s feelings and her daily routine, you need to ask.

Depending on your learning, you can then be the kind of support partner you want. You may have your own mental health issues, so it is possible to empathize. You can tell her what this situation has made you feel. But first, think about how you really feel and then find the right words. Be sensitive about how you express your emotions, but be honest. If she seems “mean to the children”, ask why. But, be non-judgemental. You’ll make zero progress if you don’t communicate.

Understanding your partner is key to understanding your situation. Your children can still be comfortable in their pajamas. While you may expect your partner to make plans every now and again, there are many times when your children can stay in their pajamas for the day. In the past two years, I have worked from home and spent much of my time not getting dressed. Does this make me less productive? Perhaps, but my priorities are significantly different from a two-year old’s.

It is important to remember that you cannot just tell your mother about your borderline personality disorder without considering the consequences. Divorce is hard. It can be a difficult thing for children to deal with. This is a very serious issue. You should think about it and realize that you cannot leave her without thinking about the consequences. You shouldn’t ignore the consequences.

I hope that you can make some progress with her before this happens. Be honest and remember why you met and how you feel about the situation. You have a greater chance of getting the message across if you communicate from the standpoint of genuine emotion (it makes it feel unappreciated etc.). Be aware that your emotions and her personal circumstances are just as important as yours. Good luck.

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