For decades, the stereotype that men are “animals” and only think about sex is one that has been a problem for males. Some research has shown that women are equally interested in sex and may even be more inclined to cheat.
It has been long believed that cheating is more common in men who are in relationships than their partners. This is especially true if they have a particular face shape. However, new research suggests that this belief may be wrong.
According to the New York Post, this research was expanded on by Wednesday Martin, author of Untrue (a book about female infidelity). It suggests that women possess a similar level of a fiery libido to men.
Martin interviewed sociologists, sexual researchers, and anthropologists to write the book. She stated that “the new research is correcting false beliefs that women have less libidos, women are more naturally monogamous, and that it’s simpler for women to share in life.”
“Women like sex more than men, but they get bored with the sameness.”
It is true that it does not necessarily say that women are more likely to cheat than men, but the reasons they succumb to sinful temptations are different from those of men.
Martin also stated that men may have higher levels of spontaneous sexual desire than women, hence the stereo phrase “men only think about having sex.” However, she said that “women take responsibility for responding or triggered desire.”
What is the difference? Martin explains that spontaneous desire can be when you suddenly feel the need to have sex.
“Responsive, or triggered desire is when you are prompted by something to sex. For example, you might be reading or watching something that suggests sex. Or a partner initiating a sexual encounter.”
“Women’s libidos can be just as strong as those of men for that kind of desire. This belief has been ingrained in our minds that men have more sex than women, but it is false.”
Alicia M. Walker is an assistant professor of sociology at Missouri State University and also studies infidelity. She has studied the sociological reasons that men and women may cheat. Walker wrote for Psychology Today that “results from surveys conducted online found that most people who cheat are not caught and most of them intend to remain married.”
“So, if people aren’t cheating on mate-shop or they aren’t trying to exact revenge, then how is it possible that this is happening?”
Women are seeking passion, while men are searching for love?
To find out, Alicia spoke to 46 men aged between 27 and 70 in the United States, who used Ashley Madison’s website to search for an affair partner. She discovered that these men were open to sexual relationships with other women but what they wanted was not sex.
She says, “We think men cheat for sexual gratification and women cheat to get love and attention.” My previous research showed that the majority of women reported sexual satisfaction as their motivation to have affairs.
They approached their matters with a pragmatic approach and a clear goal.
“Conversely, I heard men who sought to outsource their emotional intimacy, emotional connection and emotional support for their marriages.”
It is evident that women are more likely than men to cheat when the sex is not good enough or bored in a relationship. Men are more likely, however, to have an affair if they are emotionally unhappy in a relationship.
These findings raise the question: Why is society and media so quick to label men sexual deviants? For example, @violetclair is an Instagram account that empowers women and helps them navigate the difficult world of dating.
Sometimes, however, men will post pictures of themselves as the “bad guys” and get thousands of comments from women agreeing with the statement.
All of this research was done in the United States. Samantha Jayne, a relationship expert, was contacted to gain a better understanding of infidelity landscape.
Samantha states, “I don’t believe your gender determines whether you chat or talk.” It all comes down to one’s integrity or values. I believe that someone’s personality type will determine whether they cheat.
She added that this personality type is more likely to cheat if someone is more interested in variety and adventure (gets bored easily), and has more partners than others.
“Some people just won’t give up, regardless of how tempting they are.”
Gender is no longer a major factor, as there are a variety of roles. Traditionally, the male provider would be the one who provided the food and the female at home would be more gentle and sensitive. Today, however, you can do whatever you want.
Samantha says that cheating can be a result of unmet needs. This is why Samantha agreed with the research.
Samantha adds, however, that there is no reason for serial cheaters to do this. They just do it out of habit or entitlement.
Can an adulterous marriage be saved?
What happens if your partner cheats on you? According to research, cheating on a woman for emotional reasons can indicate that he is unhappy with the relationship and may want it ended anyway. Women may love their partner, but need to take some action.
Samantha says, “Infidelity can be very hard to overcome.” It takes dedication to rebuild trust, and sometimes the damage cannot be repaired. The individual decides if they want to move on, and the couple must work together with professional assistance.
“There is no right and wrong. It all depends on the circumstances.”
If it is a new relationship, it may be better to just move on. Someone who is open to cheating during the honeymoon phase can make it difficult to keep the couple together. If the couple has been together for a long time, it may be possible to save the relationship with the right support.
Samantha believes that couples are kept together by their emotional connection. Couples who play together stay together, so make sure you have regular date nights.
Talking to and listening to one another, being supportive and giving space for each other to grieve can be helpful. Keep the spark alive.