The moment your butterflies turn into something more serious is one of the most exciting stages in a new relationship. This is the time when you may be guilty of thinking too much. Do I need to wait for tomorrow before I send a text back? Why is it that I am the only one initiating dates. What if they feel different?
These little things can make a huge difference, especially when you are just starting to move into real relationships. It’s important to be lighthearted while setting the stage for a long-lasting relationship.
Here are some things relationship experts believe will help you create a solid foundation for a new relationship that will allow you to spend less stress and more time enjoying this new chapter in your life.
Make plans together
If one person is the “planner”, you can create an unbalanced dynamic that could lead to resentment and resentment from all sides. Kelly Campbell, a psychologist licensed by California State University, San Bernardino and professor of psychology who specializes on relationships, says that if they initiate plans the first time, then you can also initiate them the second time. Campbell explained that if your partner becomes too used to doing all the work, they might not be willing or able to put in the effort.
You can text back as fast as you like
Do you ever wait hours to call or text your date, just so that you can look cool? Is that something you’ve ever done? Jeff Guenther, therapist, says that if you are starting to see someone, it is important to send them a text back as soon as they see the message. Guenther (@therapyden) posts on TikTok, and says that a quick response can provide “a lot of security” as soon as the relationship is blossoming.
If you’re curious about someone new, then take the initiative and learn everything they have to say. Asking questions about their daily lives, thoughts, and goals is a good way to start. Guenther also suggests that you keep a record of small details from your day so you can ask questions later. For example, if they are nervous about a meeting or look forward to a movie.
Curiosity means that you aren’t fixated on a person’s idealized version and that “you have flexible mindsets about each others,” Lindsey Antin, a Berkeley, Calif. therapist, says.
Tell them if you like them
It is a huge mistake to play hard-to-get. Guenther advises that you don’t lovebomb people, but be open about how much it is fun spending time with them. Guenther’s suggestions for small things that will make a difference include simple comments such as “I just enjoyed a wonderful night with you” or saying they give him butterflies.
Variety is key
Dr. Campbell says it is “illuminating” for people to mix things up in the beginning. These ideas aren’t going anywhere. They will spice up your first date. You can avoid getting stuck in a rut at the beginning of something new.
Assume that they love you back
Confidence is the key. Guenther advises that you stop looking for reasons people might not be interested, or you will create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do not let anxiety ruin the relationship before it begins.
Be truthful and authentic
Sometimes advice can be corny, but that’s okay. According to Chris Armstrong, a relationship coach and author of Bustle, “The most important thing you can do at the beginning of any relationship is to be who you are starting from day one.” People often talk about how quickly the honeymoon phase fades. But what they don’t realize is that the majority of this fade can be attributed to what I call a “false start.” In other words: focusing too much on making a good impression might lead to misleading results.
“While I don’t recommend that you share all of your trauma stories right away, it is a good idea to be open about your needs and shortcomings. Do not treat love as a job interview.”
These tips are meant to show that you can be open and honest with your partner now in order to build a solid foundation for your future relationship. You don’t have to sweat the small stuff if you want to make your relationship work.